my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
