and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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