so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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