I think my vagina is haunted
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
