You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
