you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
