Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His nipple licking is glorious
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