she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
