i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
