apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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