My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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