Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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