my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's always time for handjobs
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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