I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
