addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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