That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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