I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
