he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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