there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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