I got chris browned last night
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
