Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
