Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
