for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize