The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if only i could text you this smell
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
