he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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