How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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