the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we should paint friendship bongs
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