Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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