I feel great
I just peed on a car
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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