someone owes me an orgasm
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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