why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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