apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
