you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
