I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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