Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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