i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have fence marks all over my body
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