I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
