so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
