I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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