How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
