Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
