even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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