How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
