im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
