Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
