found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
