We named our party play list daddy issues
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
