I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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