Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
