I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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