she woke up with a sticky ear
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
