My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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