good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
