you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
