Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
