i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
