It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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