So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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