Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize