Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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