i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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