nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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