We won't sleep together?
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
