was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
