i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
