Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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