I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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