you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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