just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
