pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
