Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
