You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
