Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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