I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
