I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
