she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
