i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
