Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
