just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
