I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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