um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
