it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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