Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
