You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
