There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you had me at cake vodka
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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