Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
