thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
