PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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