I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
