morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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