I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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