This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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